I tried to get to my e-mail, and I was told that I needed to update a few things (that didn't work) for my protection,

Now, I never asked for protection ...and it seems the ones claiming to protect me, are not helping me at all, only confusing me.

"All the better to help me!" said the ....servers of this high-tech convenience.  This is what they said:

Call us overprotective...

...but we need to make sure you can receive a security code if you ever lose access to this account.